I felt the need to bring back the old blog today. I have many things that have happened that i want to get down on paper during this transplant adventure. I have realized that my once very sharp brain isn't quite as on point as it use to be.
I have been thinking a lot about last Saturday. I spent yesterday and the past week talking to Jack about it. Filling in wholes of the parts he doesn't remember....thank you Jesus for protecting him from feeling and experiencing what he was going through, as I prayed he wouldn't. That evening I was so confused. We had spent the day before laughing and even that day enjoying hospital life with Jack. We had had a rough GI night...but everything else had been going so well. Kidney numbers were extraordinary. Jack's body had accepted Adrian's kidney the best he could at that point. Things were on track to a fantastic...even speedier recovery than planned. That afternoon his BP had been trending up but everyone seemed to be cautious but ok with it. I was chatting on the phone with my sister in law while my mom was playing a words with friends game with Jack. I over heard Jack say "I can't find the U nana." She directed him with her finger to the letter. HE repeated no, nana I can't see it. I can't see. Might heart sank as I went to look at his eyes. When I saw he couldn't track my finger and he said he couldn't see me. I bolted to the nurses station to grab his nurses. I then started to pray as his eyes began twitching (Nystagmus in the medical world, an involuntary twitching of the eyes that may result from lack or reduced vision) and I had my mom call Adrian who wasn't with us as he had just been discharged that morning. Lots of Dr, lots of confusion and lots of tears came. They decided to wheel him for a CT scan. I asked the Lord to help me give Jack what he needed to understand what was happening. At this time he couldn't talk to me, see me, or even express how scared he was. I was at a loss for words...everytime I tried to even speak in my head more tears fell, but I felt a sense of peace like I could feel a calming presence of someones hand resting on my shoulder. I stood there next to Jack on the table, talking to him, asking him listen to my voice and telling him what was happening and that it would be ok...even though I really didn't know. Towards the end I asked him to squeeze my finger and I felt a faint squeeze. He slowly began coming back to us: mumbling crazy phrases, pointing to things he saw that we didn't see, and squeezing our fingers. But he still couldn't see us. as he began to speak to us Adrian asked if he wanted to pray...Jack said no. but Adrian prayed anyway and Jack began speaking completely clearly to interrupt his prayer and finish it himself. There were some distant moments on this transplant adventure that confirmed to me that Jack and Jesus are connect in a much deeper way than I could have imagined in his short 8 years.
"Even the most confusing day opens up before you as you go step by step with Me. My Presence goes with you wherever you go, providing Light for your path." -Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
"Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your right hand upholds me." -Psalm 63:7-8 NIV